unlawful | duplicity inbox / cw for nsfw shenanigans.

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duplicity inbox / cw for nsfw shenanigans.

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NOTE: felix generally responds to everything in text, even voice or video calls. expect 90% of his replies to be text-based regardless of urgency.

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( exactly two hours post-delivery, in a text to crais' phone: )

fuck you

You're welcome.

If you want stabbed while you're fucked, you know where I live and I have a growing list of references for that sort of thing.

next time don't get me a cake made out of fucking fondant you heathen

( straight into the trash it went. he kept the card. )

tempting offer but you don't generally waterboard me w affection unless i've done sth to piss you off or otherwise irritate you
whatever it is bc i'm absolutely not abt to start guessing,
they probably deserved it

I agree with you broadly; anyone who falls for your shit deserves what they get.

Less broadly: Stop breaking armor. It never accomplishes anything and I end up having to repair it.

Also you peel the fondant off, you ridiculous idiot.

any cake w/o buttercream is not a cake i want kicking around in my digestive system

( ah. wash. )

if i wanted to break his armor i would've gone for the fusion reactor on the back of his rig
i wanted him handicapped

There's buttercream under the fondant, you uncultured swine. Eat more cake.

[ God knows Crais does. ]

I am absolutely sure you know how to handicap him out of armor.

my body is a fucking temple, crais
i'm extremely fussy w what goes into it

( except when it comes to liquor, drugs, or dick, apparently. )

well that's the problem
he didn't come at me out of rig
wasn't gonna systematically strip him out of it just to avoid scratching the paint

To who, the god of war and fucked up soldiers? If so I can set up an alter in my living but I don't think he'd enjoy it very much.

You exasperate the fuck out of me.

no thanks
i'll be my own god

i exasperate the fuck out of most people

( it's kind of his thing. )

I don't think what you most inspire people to is exactly exasperation.

And you can't be your own god. You don't like yourself that much and you like other people liking you less.

oh crais
sometimes you get me so wrong
i am a full-fledged narcissist
there is no one in this entire universe i love more than myself

( b-side: there's no one he hates more than himself, either. )

what'd he tell you? did he mention that HE came after ME, or was he too busy painting himself as the victim?

I appreciate your attempt at manipulating me into believing that 'no one you love more than you love yourself' means anything.

He did tell me he came after you

not manipulation
fact
i am what i am
sth you should remember more often

so? what is it? you're salty 'cause i defended myself?

I know what you are and I'm not likely to forget it. It doesn't actually change anything.

No, I am literally salty that you set up a scenario that was going to lead to me having more work and salt is a byproduct of sweat. I'm frankly impressed you haven't actually killed him.

that was clever
so far i've done a quasi-decent job in keeping the city's eyes off me
i don't wanna piss off the powers that be into drugging me into docile submission so they can brainwash me into the good little sub they were banking on when they plucked my fucking corpse out of some mangled fold in the universe and breathed new life into it
like i was supposed to be goddamn thankful
this is how i say thank you

wash isn't a boy scout, crais
neither is ephemera
neither is drake
they know what they're doing when they fuck w me

I don't know what a boyscout is, but context clues are good enough in this isntance.

Are you absolutely out of your mind at the moment or am I doing something particular that makes you think I've become some sort of idiot idealist?

i think i never know what the fuck you expect from me

That's because you keep looking for expectations.

I don't have any.

You're going to do what you do. I'm going to get cranky about it, sometimes. I'm going to keep refusing to go away and caring about you, anyway.

jesus christ
i'm exasperating? me?

I'm incredibly sorry that I'm actually as stubborn as you are.

your mistake to immensely regret

Make. Me.

won't have to
it's fated in the stars

Sweetheart, you are an idiot and we're both dead.

there are worse things than being dead, crais
thx for the shitty cake

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